Lonely Heart

From time to time, my friend, Ben, asks me if I'm lonely. I remember the first time he asked me that. I chuckled a bit thinking "what a question to ask." Ben's really good at probing. He's real, and he wants to know what is really on a person's heart ... none of that masked stuff. :) It's one of my top 10 favorite things about him. .... I answered "no" the first time he asked. And most of the time, I continue to answer "no." But if he were to ask me today, I would say "yes."

"Yes, Ben." I would say. "I am lonely."

I'm in a crazy season of life. Yes, we all go through it. Yes, I have friends who are going through it with me. Yes, I will endure it and come out stronger because of it. But right now, living in it, it's not the funnest time of my life. It's good for me ... no doubt about it. I still have joy in this time - thank you, Lord. I am somewhat excited about the new bends in the road that the Lord is and will continue to bring. But it's kind of rough some days.

Friends are getting engaged, getting married, having babies, moving away ... and others are just headed down paths totally separate from mine. We're all growing up ... going our separate ways. .... There is just so much change happening all at once! ....................................................................................................................................................... Ha! I don't really know where to go from here.

All I hear is ... "Lonely heart, look to God."

GoG 5: The Life Blood

I love southern gospel music. I know that probably sounds cheesy to most of you ... my friends laugh at me too. ;) But it's just amazing stuff! You can't beat 4-part male harmony ... you just can't! :) ... Ernie Haase and Signature Sound are a great gospel group that I started listening to a year or two ago, and they sing a song called "Oh, What a Savior." Today, I was driving and listening to this song. There is a line in the song that is mighty powerful, and it says ... "He gave His life's blood for even me."

He gave His life's blood for even me.

Did you read that a second time? That's a really good line if you think about it. It's a good line if you don't think about it. Ha! A line. "A line" sounds like a cheap saying from some ego-strickened guy trying to pick up a girl. "He gave His life's blood for even me" is not a line. It is a saving declaration.

I love that phrase "life's blood." It really gets across the depth of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. His life's blood ... the very substance that kept Him alive was taken ... was GIVEN. Jesus GAVE His life's blood ... He gave His very life ... for me ... for tiny, insignificant, sinful me ... even me.

Usually, when I listen to that song, I get caught up in the beautiful harmonies. Yes, I think the words are great, but I often focus more on the talent of the artists than I do on the saving declaration they are proclaiming. Jesus gave His very life for me! That is big! That is huge!!! His life is our salvation!

And our salvation is something that we do not deserve ... it is something we can never deserve. And yet He gave His life's blood for even us - depraved sinners. And that, my friends, is the ultimate example of grace in action.

Ephesians 1:7-8a
In Him, we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses according to the riches of His grace, which He lavished on us.

GoG 4: The Phone Call

I'm not really at liberty to say why Hannah's call is God's grace in action for me today ... but it nearly literally felt like a breath of fresh air to hear her say "Is this Mical? Hey, this is Hannah Kay" on the other end of the phone. Hannah is a new friend of mine, and really, it's hard to call her a friend ... not because she's not amazing ... she is! It's just hard 'cause we've only met twice, and neither time was real conducive (I hope that's the right word) for getting to know each other.

All I really know about her is that ...
She is marrying my good friend, James Nilsen.
She is transferring from Ball State to IUPUI.
She just moved to Indianapolis.
She works at a Red Robin somewhere.
She and Emily have a lot in common.
And ...
She is gorgeous, incredibly sweet, cute, and tons of fun!
:)

Her call today was so ... I didn't think timely was the right word, but ... yes. Timely.
I have some "issues" that are nearing their end ... but there are threads of "ache" still attached to my heart, and they are in their final stages. Just some tiny details of a past hurt that need surrendering. And they've actually been weighing on me a bit the past couple of weeks. But Hannah's call. Yep. It was so timely and full of God's grace. :) .... Surrender is such a process. Surrender as a process has been the greatest lesson of my life over the past 3 years. Thankfully, God is beyond faithful. :) And by God's grace, He is bringing little things, like Hannah's phone call, along to help me surrender everything to Him - totally and completely.

Verse for the day ...
Psalm 55:22 - Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.

GoG 3: The Pearl

"The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls, and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it."
Matthew 13:45-46

Today's sermon was God's grace in action for me. Pastor Roger spoke about "being all in" last week, and this week he expanded on this message by reminding us that in being all in, we should consider God to be that pearl of great value just as He considers us His pearl of great value.

God's grace, in this circumstance, is the fact that God sent Jesus to die. Jesus went and sold all He had and bought us by dying on the cross for our sins. We are His pearl of great value. I am God's pearl. Man, that is exciting!

But part of God's grace in this story is my response. Now that I know the sacrifice Jesus made so that I could be His, how am I going to respond to that sacrifice? And that's where being all in comes into the picture. Everday, I must put away my selfish ambitions and say "yes!" to the heart and mind and life that God not only has for me but wants me to live for His glory.

God's grace is that He not only gave up everything for me, but He also loves me so much that He won't allow me to stay the way I am.

So what will our response be?

GoG 2: The Best Medicine

Laughter is one of the greatest things in the world. Next to my salvation, God's grace and faithfulness, and the amazing relationships in my life, laughter is the greatest gift I believe there to be in the whole world! I also have quite the knack for it. It doesn't take much to get me laughin' so hard I can't stop. :D It's just a ton of fun to laugh!

Today, I got a glimpse of God's grace through laughter. My mom and dad and my brother and me were sitting in Chic-fil-e eating lunch, and after we all finished, we sat for a few minutes. All of a sudden, my dad said "So ... in an emergency, where should you go?" And we all busted out laughing with groans and "oh no, not again's" on our lips. He just looked over at us and smiled really big. ... You had to be there to really know why that's funny .... it was pretty great. We all laughed pretty hard about it.

If you know my dad, he's pretty cautious ... likes to have a plan for everything ... and really wants to make sure his family is safe - ya know, dad stuff. But he's also repetitive and sometimes a bit obnoxious with it all. But our minor annoyance almost always turns to humor because my dad is just such a character. Gotta love him! .... Well, more than once in the past year he has brought up the issue of where to go in an emergency that rips our house apart. Unlikely, yes. But not improbable. But dad bringing it up multiple times and in such a serious way ... it makes us, as a family, laugh and sometimes, roll our eyes at him.

For him to ask it at the moment he did was priceless. Out of the blue. In a fisicious manner. Ha! It just got all of us laughing ... which eventually, led to more and more laughing. :)

Proverbs 17:22
A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

See, it's true! Being happy, excited, laughing out loud is so good for us! And God allows us to laugh ... He not only allows us but enables us to laugh ... He even wants us to laugh! :) He considers it medicine to heal our depressed and weary and growing faint spirits. Man. God is the coolest! :) Again, this is His grace in action. He loves us so much that He not only enables us to experience laughter, but He prescribes it for our everyday lives even though we never deserve the joy that laughter brings. ..... Good stuff.

Have you laughed today? :D

GoG 1: The "all in" 2010

Alright. So we have officially started our journey! Today is January 1, 2010! Wow ... I just wrote 2009 and had to backspace. Ha! Erasing that '09' and replacing it with '10' has begun! ;) And our journey through God's grace has begun as well. I say 'we' 'cause you're gonna come with me! If you read my blog, you are (hopefully) experiencing God's grace as well in every blog post. So let's get started!

Today, I had a simple thought that helped me get a glimpse of God's grace in my life. Most of the glimpses this year will be simple, I'm sure ... because I'm a simple person. :) It's the simple things that make me the most excited much of the time. .... Today, I was brushing my teeth, getting ready for a cold day of football with some good friends ... and I stopped brushing in the middle of this thought ...

I was thinking about last night. I met with some close friends for a New Year's Eve get-together. We played games, ate some good food, and laughed a lot together. It was a good time. While I was there, though, I got to thinking about how my friendships with these friends have grown a little distant lately. They are, without a doubt, some of my best friends, but we haven't spent much time together lately ... or really talked much either. We've all just been so busy! So we haven't had (or made) the time to nurture our friendships recently. And that's where the thought started. While I was brushing my teeth, my mind connected this thought with my relationship with Jesus. ..... When I don't spend time with Him, our relationship becomes a bit distant. Just like my best friends and I haven't been staying in touch as well and have grown a little distant, so has my relationship with Jesus become distant because I haven't been really communing with Him for several months.

It's so true. Relationship is about togetherness. It's about that word communion that I threw at y'all in an earlier post ... it's about "an interchange of thoughts, about giving and receiving" ... things you can't do if you don't spend time with one another.

On Sunday, my pastor continued our study of the book of John, and toward the end of his sermon, he said three little words that I want to dedicate my life to this 2010.

I'm all in.

Yep ... this year, I want to wake up each day with "I'm all in" on my lips. I want to say "Lord, I'm yours. Use me. Mold me. Break me if need be. Just do your work in my life today. I want to be all for you." And part of that ... if not nearly all of it ... is communing with God. I can't be "all in" if I don't spend time with God. So that be the goal. :) That be the grace God showed me today. God wants to be in relationship with me. He's been calling. He's been waiting. Which is grace in action. Grace is getting what we don't deserve. I don't deserve a God who wants to be in relationship with me so badly that He'll wait forever for me to come around if He needs to. He patiently waits at the door of my heart, gently knocking, saying "If you'd only let me in, you could have a life more abundant than you could ever imagine."

God's grace. Thank you, Jesus.
So today and everyday, Lord ... I'm all in.

John 10:10
... "Jesus came that we may have life and have it abundantly."

Glimpses of Grace Project 2010

Hello, everyone! I'm back! I've been pretty lax with my posting lately. Just really busy ... really distracted ... really unmotivated - in what seems like everything. And being on Christmas break doesn't help. ;) But I'm looking forward to this Spring semester. I am finally a college grad!!! I am working as the youth director at my church!!! I am working at after school again!!! The writing center!!! And I'm exercising!!! So once I get my butt in gear as far as seeking Christ with all I am, my life will be complete!!! I'm working on it. Being inconsistent for a long time makes it rough to get back into the habit. Jesus is the biggest part of me - my L I F E ! So what's my problem? .... Again, I'm working on it. :)

So ... to say all of that ... I am gonna start a project for 2010 that I pray will help me refocus on the big picture - Jesus as the center of my life! Or rather Jesus AS MY LIFE! :D

For those who love to follow my blog, get ready! 2010 is gonna be an amazing ride! I'm pretty excited about it! The project is called "Glimpses of Grace." And here's what I'm thinkin' ....

A couple weeks ago, a pretty great lady from my church was handing out books to our small group. She had a plastic bag full of books, and we could all take one. My initial reaction was "A book? Are you kidding me? I don't like to read." But I looked through the bag and stumbled across a book called "Glimpses." I opened it up to find some of the coolest pictures ever with corresponding Bible verses. The photographer took pictures that "revealed God's glory in the ordinary." Glimpses: Seeing God's Glory Revealed in the Ordinary. That's the name of this short, little book full of pictures and verses.

Well ... I was completely intrigued. I really like photography (even though my hands are shaky, and I'm not all that great at taking pictures ... haha!). And I really like putting God's word into the aspects of my life. So I thought (think) this book was (is) amazing!

Now ... something totally unrelated ... have y'all seen the movie Julie and Julia? It came out recently ... a movie about Julie (a modern woman who loves to cook) and Julia Child (the first television cook). Anyway ... in this movie, Julie decides to start a blog(!) and set out on a mission to cook every recipe in Julia Child's cookbook in one year. 524 recipes in 365 days ... something like that. And then she blogged about her cooking adventures every single day. .... Overall, I wasn't oober (uber ... don't ya like the two o's better?) ;) impressed with the movie. But I really liked her idea to set a goal and blog about it.

So that's what I plan to do.

I'm gonna integrate these two ideas and set out on a 365-day journey through God's grace .... and then blog about it! .... I will set out - each day - LOOKING FOR glimpses of God's grace in my everyday life, and then I'll blog about it. My goal is to blog every single day, but on the days that I (may) miss a posting, I'll catch up the next day. I WILL blog 365 posts this year! It be my greatest goal ... or rather, project ... for 2010.

And that be it. :)

Glimpses of Grace Project 2010 ... coming January 1, 2010!!!!!!! :D

Simple Joys: Part 2 :)

Joy is such an amazing gift from the Lord!

I wanna bask in it again tonight!

So here are some "simple joys" I've experienced this week ....

We'll call this Simple Joys: Part 2.

Sunday:

~ The humbling experience at the ice skating rink with friends ... not only can I not skate, but I fell down within the first 10 minutes! Josh and Alec were the only ones who got to see it too. Ha ha!

~ Little Barrett grabbing my hand and holding it during our entire walk to Monument Circle.

Tuesday:

~ Getting the best haircut of my life! And getting a hug from Kayla afterwards :)

~ Seeing that most of the shirts I bought at Old Navy said "Small" on the size tag.

~ Meeting with the Common Ground youth pastors and getting a hug from Jeremy Wright.

Wednesday:

~ Having Mathanael as my buddy at after school - piggy back rides, sitting on my lap while I helped him with his homework, him asking me to sit next to him during Bible time ... ah! Life is good :)

~ Getting hugs from Diazaun and KeAndre as I left after school.

~ Getting a "bye, Mical" from Mr. James as I headed out the door at after school.

Thursday:

~ Having a really good tutoring session in which I helped an English Composition student expand his ideas and narrow his thesis.

~ Helping Mathanael with his math homework.

~ Racing Diazuan with his math problems - he won.

Friday:

~ Lunch with Maggie and Hannah.

~ Getting an uplifting e-mail from Alex.

I wanna pay closer attention to the simple joys in my life!!!! God is so good! :)

Communing with God

So it's been awhile, eh?

I think it's been awhile since my last post because I haven't been consistent in my relationship with Jesus lately. A lot, if not most, of my thoughts on this blog have to do with my walk with the Lord ... and well, I haven't really been growing lately. And I haven't been growing because I haven't been consistent in my walk. Therefore, no thoughts to blog about.

So here are a few thoughts I'd like to post ... and I'm hoping that writing 'em down will help motivate me to work on them a little harder.

I spoke at the Danville Middle School FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes/Anybodies) a couple weeks ago, and the following thoughts are what I shared with them. I admitted the same lack of motivation to them. I admitted that I am just not motivated to spend time with the Lord these days. And I don't know why. It is starting to weigh on me though ... or rather, Jesus is really starting to convict me about it.

So here's what I'm thinking ....

In light of my lack of motivation, I decided to think about why it's important to spend time with God ... and not just spend time with Him but spend quality time with Him - communing with Him.

Communing with God

Communion - "fellowship; interchange of thoughts or interests;

a state of giving and receiving."

Now that we know what communion is .... why is communing with God so important?

I'm gonna share 5 reasons with you.

In no way is this an exhaustive list, but it's a good start. :)

#1 - RELATIONSHIP

Communing with God means having a meaningful relationship with Him. When we become Christians, we develop a relationship with God. .... Think of your best friend. Think of any friend that you have. Can you be in relationship with them if you don't spend time with them?

#2 - THE GLORY OF GOD

Glory - "the highest degree of pleasure; satisfaction; pride."

As Christians, we should want to bring joy (or pleasure) to God. We should want Him to be proud of us. Don't you want God to be proud of you? I know I do! Being in relationship with God makes Him proud of us because we are living out the calling He placed on our lives. And that calling is, simply put, to live in relationship with Him. Communing with God satisfies His desire for us to be in relationship with Him.

#3 - ATTITUDE

I don't know about you, but when I don't spend time with God, the first sin that I fall into is having a bad attitude ... more specifically, being impatient ... with everything! I also don't live in joy because when I don't spend time with God, I lose my sense of purpose. My purpose in life is to be in relationship with Jesus Christ. When I do not spend time with Jesus, I lose my joy.

#4 - LACK PURPOSE

I've said it .... at least twice now.

Being in a relationship with Jesus is our purpose in life.

God created us to glorify Him. God created us so that we could be in relationship with Him and so that He could be in relationship with us. So when we don't spend time with Jesus, we have no reason to live - we have nothing to live for.

#5 - FIND GOD'S COMMANDS/PROMISES

When we spend time with God (read God's word and talk with Him), we know how He wants us to live. We know how to honor God with our lives. And when we know how to honor God, we know how to live out our purpose because honoring God is our purpose. We can also find God's promises and learn to hold on to them in good and bad times.

So what does all of this mean? Or rather ... how do we do this? How do we commune with God?

The first step???

Denying ourselves.

Then Jesus said to the disciples, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life."

Matthew 16:24-25

Whew! Now that's a load of conviction!!! "You must put aside your selfish ambition." Wow. 'Cause that's what it really boils down to ... and Jesus knows it. When I choose to be inconsistent in my walk with the Lord ... when I choose to watch a movie instead of reading my Bible or turn on my iPod instead of talking to God ... I am putting ON my selfish ambition rather than putting it ASIDE! Man. That's rough.

But that's what Jesus asks ... what He demands of us. What He demands of ME. That's what it takes to be His follower.

So it looks like I've got some work to do, huh?

Let's start over today ... right now.

Lord, help me put aside my selfish ambition and follow You with all my heart and mind and life! Be the center of me. Give me an undying passion for You. Be glorified in me!

Simple Joys :)

Yesterday, on my way to school, I saw a boy dancing while he was waiting for his bus to pick him up for school. It was the best thing I'd seen all week! And it got me thinking about simple things that bring me so much joy. So I decided to watch for simple joys throughout the day all day yesterday ... and here's what I observed. :)

On my way to school:

~ The boy dancing at the bus stop.

~ The way the sun and the clouds worked together to create another one of God's paintings in the sky! .... A piercing orange-colored sun beneath pink and purple clouds! Oh, it was gorgeous! A great way to start off the day! :)

~ Watching the leaves fall as I walked to class.

At after school:

~ Whishae grabbing my hand and holding it.

~ Whishae giving me a big smile.

~ Mathanael saying his Bible verse.

~ Helping little George with his math homework. He connected the dots to create his numbers, and after he finished, we raised our arms and shouted, "yeahhh!!!!"

~ Getting a huge hug from George.

~ Hearing the other leaders at after school say I was doing great things to help out with the crazy, little guy - George. He's a hyper, little 5-year-old who was new to after school this week.

At Kroger:

~ Standing and waiting for a hug from Emily when we met to pick up dinner and a movie.

~ Laughing with Emily.

None of these things are super extravagant or amazingly exciting to the everyday person, perhaps .... but they are most certainly simple joys that brought tremendous joy to my life yesterday!

Look for the simple joys in life! You will never go wrong!!!! Praise the Lord for His tremendous yet simple blessings! :)

Addin' to the Bucket!

MICAL'S BUCKET LIST (Not necessarily in this order) J

#1 - Hike through New Zealand!!!

#2 - Run a mini marathon.

#3 - Read through the Bible at least 3 times .... once in my NIV, once in a ESV, and once in my wide-margin NASB.

#4 - Learn to play bar chords on my guitar.

#5 - Take swing dancing lessons!

#6 - Marry an oober godly guy!

#7 – Have at least 4 kids and homeschool them.

#8 - Take a 3-day trip of silence and solitude!

#9 - Visit my sponsored child.

#10 - Read all of Mere Christianity.

#11 – Take a BBF trip to the Bosom Buddies Cottages in Canada with Emily!!!

#12 – Be a waitress.

Wanted: Jones Soda Bottles

Jones Soda! I am in need of Jones Soda bottles!

If you drink Jones Soda, keep your bottles ... and please let me have 'em!

If you're willing to give 'em up ... give me a call or shoot me an e-mail, and I'll pick 'em up from you! They are muchly needed and muchly appreciated!

Thanks, fellow blogger friends! :)