Why I Do What I Do ...

Well, yet again ... dear Judy has given me another blog post idea. :) What fun!
Today's post is about blogging ....
Specifically the question ... Why blog?
And more specifically ... Why Mical blogs ... :)

I started this blog back in August ... August 2008.
I think it was the 11th of that month.
A couple of friends had blogs ...
Judy.
Hannah.
......
And I think Hannah said something like ...
"Mical, why don't you have a blog? You like to write. You really should have a blog."
And that was that.
I created a blog within the next week. :)

So why do I do it?
Well, I think I briefly touched on the answer to this question in my very first blog post ... but here we go again. :)

My subtitle for this blog is .... about friends ... about Jesus ... about lessons learned and learning.
Fun and Faithful Tales ... about friends ... about Jesus ... about lessons learned and learning. :)
I started this blog to share fun stories about me and the friends God has placed in my life.
I also started it to share about how amazing Jesus has been and is in my life. :)
And ... as the blog grew ... I noticed that I wrote a lot about lessons God has been teaching me.
I'm learning all of them the hard way ... 'cause I'm so stubborn and fallen.
And that's right ... I'm still learning them.
So ... I added "about lessons learned and learning."

I'm all about encouragement. I love to encourage people ... actually, it's kind of like a hobby for me. :) It's just what I try to do ... everyday.
So I wanted this blog to be a source of encouragement for folks.
I wanted others to read about what I'm learning and hopefully have their spirits lifted because ...
1. They can see how human I am (mistakes, trials, ect.) and hopefully think "hey, I'm not alone."
2. They can read about lessons I'm learning and think, "wow, I went through that just last week ... or just last month ... or just last year." ... or (hopefully!) see how I've messed up, and say, "whoa! I'm not doin' that!!!"
3. They can get to know me better ... see what I get excited about ... see how messed up I really am ... see into my heart a bit. :)

And I like to write.
I'm not good at explaining the kinds of writing I enjoy.
I consider writing to be a hobby of mine, but when I tell people I like to write, they always ask ... "What kind of writing?" .... And I never know what to say.
I like to write letters of encouragement.
I like to journal prayers to the Lord.
I like to blog.
So now, I guess I can tell people. I like to blog.
And tell them what kind of writing I do on my blog. :)

Blogging is a great way to encourage folks, expand your hobbies, get some thoughts out, remember lessons you've learned (or are still learning - in my case), and it's even a way to talk to God and/or other people about some things that are on your heart.
And it's a ton of fun!

And that's why I blog. :)

"You been eatin' yo greens?"

Too much fun!!!
I have a great story to share with ya'll.

I've been hanging out with some of my amazing girls from the Eastside a lot over the past few weeks (they are my girls from the after school program, which I wrote about a few weeks ago and ranted about all this past semester). ... I went to pick up a few of the girls one day last week. And as I was standing outside their house, a guy (yep, he was black ... this tid bit will be good to know later) was walking across the street, and all of a sudden, I heard him say something. I turned around and smiled and said, "I'm sorry. Say that again." And he said, "You been eatin' yo greens?" ... I, being the non-ghetto, white girl that I am had no idea what he was talking about. So I gave him a funny look and kind of smiled. He said (again), "You been eatin' yo greens?" Then, when I still didn't get it, he said, "You don't even know what greens are, do ya?" I sheepishly said back, "Nooo." And he smiled and kept walkin' ... probably thinking "that stupid white girl" ... which made me laugh wondering what he must be thinking.

So .... later that night, the girls and I were at the park eating dinner. We got to talking about clothes somehow, and eventually, I mentioned my tough times finding clothes that fit ... I said "because I'm an in-between size," but the girls let me know that it's "because I have big hips." And then they continued to tell me I have a black woman's butt. .... Ha! .... If you haven't noticed, I've been extra blessed in my lower regions. ;) ..... Anyway ... we got to talkin' about the guy who asked me about my "greens" earlier in the night ... and the girls told me that "You been eatin' yo greens?" was this guy telling me that .... well, that I have a big butt. ..... The girls pretty much told me that he was checking me out. .... I asked 'em, "so that's a good thing, right? That's attractive?" And they said, "yeah," and we all laughed pretty hard.

Ha ha! This might've been the best thing that happened to me all week.
This story was just too good! I had to share it! ... And really, I just wanted to have a blog title which says "You been eatin' yo greens?" :D

I guess I need to marry a black guy ... 'cause they appreciate the greens. :D

God Glasses

Wow! .......
So I've been up and down the past few days.
Just been thinkin' about all the change that's happening around me and that's coming into my life.
Friends are getting engaged, getting married, having babies ...
Friends have lots going on in their lives, changes coming for them too ...
I'm graduating in 7 months and don't know what the heck I'm gonna do with my life ...
I've got these crazy desires, cool dreams, deep aches ...
Just a lot going on, ya know?

I've been kind of down about it, which is oober frustrating. (But that frustration is another blog post, perhaps.)
But I was reading my Bible today, grabbed Passion and Purity ... and then looked over at my "future husband journal." Yeah, I don't have a better name for it at the moment.
Sorry for you if you think writing to your future husband is cheesy. I think it's pretty much amazing. :)
I've had this journal since I was 14 years old. Shelley gave it to me and encouraged me to write letters to my future husband before I know who he is. :)
Over the years, I've written some pretty funny stuff. If I really do have a future husband out there somewhere, and if I really give him this journal, he'll get a kick out of me, for sure.
But anyways ... the Tangent Queen hasn't lost her touch! :D
I opened it and read the three most recent letters.
The first two were about some regrets I've had over the past couple of years.
But the last one (the most recent) was full of lessons learned ... and hope.

I was really down earlier today. My heart has been aching for quite some time.
But this letter! This letter that I wrote to my future husband!
It helped me see things through God's eyes again.
(I hate how easily I get my eyes off of Jesus ... and how easily my God glasses get fogged up!)
God's perspective is so much better. :)
And I want to share with you all a "snipet" from this letter ... 'cause it's amazing!
I was so blessed today to be reminded of the amazing lessons God has taught me over the past 6 months.
Why do I forget them so easily, daggonit?

Written on February 19, 2009
Wow! I just finished reading the last two letters to you. And holy cow! I'm really messing things up, huh? Ha ha! ;) I hate that I haven't been more careful with my heart over th past two years, but at the same time, I've learned amazing lessons. All the brokenness, all of the mistakes, all of the failed hopes and dreams have brought me back to contentment in Christ alone. It took me a long time! But God was, and still is, patient and faithful. Amazingly so! :) He stuck by me every moment. He taught me so much about surrender, about being content, about waiting. Surrender - I can never be completely whole or completely satisfied until I let go of my own desires and let God fill me with His, until I grab hold of God's purpose (even if I don't know it completely) and allow Him to conform my desires to His. Contentment - I cannot be completely content in anything or anyone but Christ. He is my life, and if I do not desire Him above all else, nothing will mean anything. True and complete fulfillment can only be found in knowing, loving, serving, and glorifying God, and enjoying Him forever. I've never experienced something more true. Waiting - God doesn't always tell us what's going on from the get-go. In fact, He rarely does. Life wouldn't be life. God doesn't always give us the answers that we want. In fact, He always gives us something way better, whether we know it or not. But in waiting, He expects us to trust Him and love Him and serve Him and seek Him and glorify Him with all that we are. We can't throw our hands up and quit just because things didn't go our way. God's way is amazingly better, and He will reveal it in His time, which is hardly ever our time (for good reasons!). Gotta keep trusting! So ... this letter is a lot better than the last two, huh? :) God never fails to take our sin (our selfishness, our impatience, our failures, ect.) and work it out for our good. Wow! I am so thankful for His grace and faithfulness.

Man, oh man. Good stuff! God was really working in my heart when I wrote that! I feel absolutely ridiculous that it's only been 3 months, and I'm already forgetting these lessons in surrender and contentment and waiting. God is so faithful!

And I noticed that I used the word "complete" lots of times throughout this letter. Makes me think of James 1:4 ... "so that you will be mature and COMPLETE, not lacking anything." Yeah! That's what trials ... and the lessons we learn through those trials do for us. They make us complete. God sees it. Why can't I? ...... I think I'll put my God glasses back on now. :)

Lord, make these lessons real to me once again. Help me walk day after day with Your eyes.
Be my all, Lord Jesus.

Favorite Family Ever: Big Brother #2

Hey!!!!!!!!
So it's my friend, Jason's, birthday today ... and he belongs to my "favorite family ever" posts ... so I'm gonna post about him! :D
I posted a long time ago about my big brother, Adam (Jason's cousin), and Jason's fiance, Melissa ... so now, it's Jason's turn. There are still a bunch of people in this family whom I have yet to write about, so stay tuned! I will write about all of them one of these days. :)

Hmm ... where to start with my friend, Jason?
I've known his family since I was a pretty little kid ... but I didn't start to really get to know him until my freshman year of high school. He and Adam were seniors in the youth group and didn't really get involved with youth group until a few months before they graduated. Shortly after Jason graduated from high school, he got involved with YWAM (Youth With A Mission). He went to a country called Azer Byzuan (and yes, wow! I butchered that spelling!). While he was there, I remember I wrote him a letter ... just to encourage him and let him know I was praying for him. He wrote me a couple of e-mails during his trip ... and we started really building a friendship. When he got back, I remember him saying something to the affect of ... "Mical, your letter was really amazing. It was so awesome to get mail I could actually touch and to be reminded that someone was praying for me." His thank you was an incredible gift to me. Since then, Jason and I have become good friends.

There's a running joke that he and the rest of the Cooks/Adamsons gang (my favorite family in the world) are considered the "B" team among my group of friends (Higher Ground folks taking the "A" team spot). In reality (and I think he knows this deep down), they are all the "A" team because they are all amazing friends. He just likes to give me a hard time.
Actually, Jason Michael Adamson giving Mical Lynn Masterson a hard time? That is the foundation of our friendship. And I love it that way. In his own way, it tells me that he cares about me. (Yeah, that's probably backwards ... but not with Jason.) :)

There's another running joke that he's a big jerk. He puts off the jerk vibe as a front sometimes ... but really? He's a genuine, fun-loving, committed, all-around great guy. :)

Actually, Jason is one of my favorite guys ever. :) He's like a second big brother in a lot of ways. He's definitely toward the top of my "godliest guys ever list," and I appreciate him way more than he knows. He's a guy who stands by his convictions and is committed to his walk with the Lord. He's really good at calling people out when they are out of line. And I mean that in a good way. If we're playing football and getting way too competitive (bad attitudes), he's usually the one who brings us back. ... He's part of the problem at times too. (;)) Who isn't? But he's good about calming us down. I remember this one time I got all worked up because Melissa was beating me on every cut (again), and I was getting really frustrated with myself ... letting out some "Mical frustration grunts" and the like .... I was leaned over, and I remember Jason coming over, patting me on the back, grabbing my head and putting his head on mine and saying, "Hey, it's alright. Don't worry about it." ..... It may seem like a small gesture. I'm sure he doesn't remember it a bit. But it was huge to me. I really look up to Jason. I think oober highly of him. And he's like a big brother to me. So for him to remind me to keep my head in that way was huge. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever forget it.

Jason's just a really great guy. I hope he knows how much I love and appreciate him ... on his birthday and everyday. :)

Stewin' about ... Chewin' on

These questions are in no particular order.
I got this post idea from the wonderful Judy Nilsen, and I'm gonna type 'em as I think of 'em. :)

~ Why doesn't God speak audibly?

~ Why does love make you ache sometimes?

~ Why is surrender the hardest lesson to learn when you know that you know that you know that you know ... that God's got it all taken care of?

~ Why can't I read books that I really enjoy? (No, I'm not a reader, but every once in a great while I find a book that I really like - like Passion and Purity, for example - and I can't get myself to read it consistently for my life!)

~ Why can't I sacrifice something as small as TIME for my Lord when He sacrificed His LIFE for me?

~ How do I treat this new girl who's in my brother's life? (Obviously, with kindness ... but I'm not too used to my brother being really stuck on someone ... what is happening?)

~ How can I disciple the girls on the Eastside?
What book of the Bible should we read first?

~ How involved can I get with my youth group, my kids on the Eastside, my church, my small groups, my school work, my .... ?
How do I know when it's time to say "I can't." ? ... "Those are enough commitments for now." ?

~ How do you know when God is saying "go for it!" and when He is saying "no." and when He is saying "wait." ?

~ Where is God calling me when I graduate in 7 months?
How will I know?

~ How do I know if I'm called to the kids of the Eastside?
How do I know when my heart that is seeking Christ is saying "yes!" but my heart has failed me more than once?

~ Why does God put desires in our hearts and then take them away?

~ How is God's grace so big that I have peace in the midst of these chaotic questions about my life? :)

~ How does God do it? --- He keeps putting a smile on my face. :)



PSALM 25:4-5
MAKE ME KNOW YOUR WAYS, O LORD.
TEACH ME YOUR PATHS.
GUIDE ME IN YOUR TRUTH AND TEACH ME.
FOR YOU ARE THE GOD OF MY SALVATION.
FOR YOU, I WAIT ALL THE DAY.

Something Better ....

Whoa!  I'm posting a second time this week!  That is huge!!!!  It's been two days since my last post instead of 2 months!  Ha!  Aren't you all proud? ;)

Well, "The Greatest Passion of My Life" post was actually a tangent ... what's new?  I'm the Tangent Queen. :) ... I started writing, and the words kept going and going and going.  What I meant to write about is what I mentioned at the very end of my last post .... "the progress in my surrending/crying fits concerning my love life."  Ha!  Whatever.

I've been reading a book called Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot.  It's a tiny book ... I'm only half way through it.  And I've been reading it for several months now.  Yep, I'm a huge slacker when it comes to reading.  My Bible is the only book I read consistently.  At least I've got that going for me, huh? ;) .... Anyway (tangents - yes!!!) .... this book is amazing!  It's a tough read 'cause it's so full of "jump off the page and smack ya in the head" moments.  I was reading a chapter on Sunday morning while I was waiting for my mom to finish getting ready for church. .... I really remember nothing from the chapter but this small paragraph:

My heart was saying, "Lord, take away this longing, or give me that for which I long."  The Lord was answering, "I must teach you to long for something better."

Oh my gosh!  I lost it.  I was lying on my bed, and I remember saying .... "Really, Lord?  Are you really gonna throw that at me?" .... out loud to myself.  I kind of let out a chuckle.  But it was one of those quiet moments before the storm.  I laughed a little, and then I started sobbing!  I think those two little lines impacted me more than anything I've ever read.  God's word has done that to me a few times ... but other than that, those two lines were more powerful than anything, ever.

They were, and still are, so powerful because these two lines sum up my life over the past 9 months.  I've had huge things happen to me over the past year.  (I'll admit that they mean absolutely nothing in light of eternity ... but hey, they were still huge disappointments that have left scars on my heart.)  They totally turned my life upside down .... totally broke my heart .... and I will be honest and say that I still fight bitterness about them from time to time.  And I'll admit that I get upset with God about them sometimes.  I'm not upset with the people and situations surrounding the events.  But I do throw a bit of a fit at times when I'm talking to God about 'em ... or when they come up in conversation.  Yes, I still need to totally surrender these things ... I'm workin' on it.  But in the meantime, God doesn't mind that we disagree with Him ... I'm convinced of that.  So I have serious talks with Him from time to time, asking Him questions about why He allowed these things to happen ... about why He took away my greatest dreams. ..... And He calmly and quietly says, "My child, I must teach you to dream the dreams I have for you."

Man.  What a blow!  When I get all caught up in my OWN dreams, my OWN desires, my OWN, my OWN, my OWN .... it's bound to fall apart.  There was nothing wrong with the dreams I had ... they were good and godly things ... things I was convinced God put on my heart.  But I'm continuing to learn that I can't get too attached to my dreams.  Dream.  Yes, I should dream!  God wants us to live for Him, make plans to glorify Him (and live 'em out!) ... but He doesn't want us to get so caught up in what we're doing that we forget about Him ... or maybe we're not so much forgetting about Him but rather living in an attitude of "there is no other way but this one that I'm walking in."  God wants us to be ready and willing to do what He asks, the moment He asks it ... whether it's what WE had planned or what we thought HE had planned.  "Follow Me.  And the disciples immediately left their nets and followed Him." .... And I think God wants to teach us some things in the process.  Ha!  Let's take the "I think" out of there, shall we? ... God wants to teach us some things in the process.  He needs to break us of our own wills.  He wants our attitude to be one of "not my will, but yours, Lord."  And He wants us to REALLY MEAN IT! ... He wants our passions to be His passions.  He wants to see what we're gonna do when He allows trials into our lives.  When He says, "No." ... or "Wait."  He wants to grow us.  And ... I know, for me, the only way for God to grow me is for Him to break me.  Because I'm way too stubborn.  I'm way too selfish.

Whew.  Waiting is the toughest thing ever.  Having dreams taken away .... or perhaps put on hold for a while .... is difficult.  And difficult is an understatement.  But the lessons learned.  Oh ... the lessons learned! .... Growing hurts.  But the end result is so worth while.  I'm not even to the end of the growing process yet, and I'm already getting a glimpse of the result.  Our God is faithful.  Keep trusting in Him.  I know I am. :)

The Greatest Passion of My Life!!!

Ha! Did ya'll think I died again? .... I never post anymore. What a sad story. .... Life is amazingly busy for me right now ... more so than ever before! ... And only getting busier - 'cause I'm just too passionate about some things ... kids! People! ... And since people are everywhere, I overcommit myself like crazy!

I've been working at an after school program on the Eastside of Indianapolis through a church called Shepherd Community Center. My good friend, James, works there, and he asked for volunteers back in January. He said the word, "Kids," and I was doomed. ;) .... I am stinkin' in love with people between the ages of 6 and 16. I am more alive hanging out with them than with anyone! And the kids at this after school program have been the highlight of my life since I started helping out with the program back in January.

They are urban kids. From rough neighborhoods. Many from really messed up homes. Crimes taking place on their streets, on their front porches, in their homes. Drugs. Shootings. Thefts. Sexual abuse. Domestic abuse. Emotional abuse. Neglect. And the list goes on. .... I only know what my friend, James, tells me. I don't see it on a day to day basis like him; he lives on the Eastside. ... All I get to see are the kids - two days a week. And all I know is that I am completely in love with them. I've worked a little in urban kids' ministry over the years. When Wheeler Mission was still doing kids/youth programs, I helped out with a few day/3-day camps for 6 years. I did other, spuradic events through Wheeler as well. And I really enjoyed it! ..... But! But! Working with these kids at after school a couple days a week, on a much more regular basis has helped me love it even more! Heck. Love is not the right word. PASSION. Passionate is a much better word! I am flippin' passionate about these kids! ... I love them so much that I don't know what to do with myself!!! .... This is it! This is what I want to do with my life!

Have you ever found something like this? Have you ever found your passion and had so many ideas, such much desire to DO and to BE and LOVE that you didn't know what to do with yourself? .... Oh, man! I want to be apart of these kids' lives more than I've ever wanted anything! But how? How can I be more apart?

Opportunities are popping up everywhere! I just need to know which doors to run through. Because no, I won't be walking!!! I'm too excited for that! .... If ya'll think about it ... would you pray about this for me? .... I have some great opportunities heading my way ... but I need to know what GOD wants me to do; I need to know which doors to walk through (and at what speed ... maybe I can walk but not run through some ... and maybe I need to shut some doors). I'm continuing to seek the Lord about these things.

Ha! And to think I got on here to write about my progress/crying fits concerning surrendering my love life to Christ. I really am the tangent queen! ;) .... Well, didn't proofread this don't have time 'cause I'm off to be with my after school kids!!!! Ahh!!!! I'm so excited! ... Have a great day all!

The Name Mical ...

So I have a love hate relationship with my name.

I like my name because it is pretty much the BEST girl's name ever.
I like my name because it is spelled without an "h" and without an "e."
M I C A L .... no "h"; no "e."
I like my name because it draws attention to me. Perhaps I'm vain ... but I like attention. 0:)
I like my name because not many other girls have this name. Unique is good. :)
I like my name because every now and then people will sometimes say .... "Oh, your name is Mical? My cousin's nephew's daughter's name is Mical." Ha! THAT response cracks me up! Some obscure relative has the same name as I do. It just makes me laugh ... really hard. Ha ha ha ha! :D
I like my name because the little kids at after school (or little kids anywhere) will ask me .... "Are you a boy?" ... Yes. I've been asked that more than once.
I like my name because I will sit down at the tutoring table in the writing center, and my tutee will give me a funny look and say .... "Oh. I was expecting a male." A girl I tutored today said that to me, and I let out a chuckle. Too funny.
I like my name because my big brother, Adam, calls me Mike ... and Wes calls me Mike. Mike is my all-time favorite nickname. Probably because my brothers are the only ones who call me that. :)

But .... I don't like my name when people insult my intelligence.
Perhaps I'm prideful and vain and such ... but when I introduce myself and the person pauses and then says .... "Oooh. It's Michelle, isn't it?"
That response drives me absolutely crazy!
NO! I JUST told you my name is Mical. M I C A L. Gosh. I'm not stupid. I know my own name. Daggonit.
.... That's really the only reason I can think of that I don't like my name. It just drives me nuts! I get almost angry. Ask Emily.

Ha ha! Too funny! I thought of this post because I was at McDonald's today ... buying a sweet tea and a McChicken sandwich (a very Mical thing to do ....), and they asked for my name. The girl who took my order believed me the first time. But the guy who called my name ... ha! He was a hoot! He called my name .... got it right. But when I came up to grab my food, and the guy calling my food saw me .... and he said "Mical ... oh ... Michelle?" And I just laughed and said ... "Nope, it's Mical." He then laughed. Wow. I don't think he believed me. .... It made me laugh rather than upset ... but still. It said Mical (probably spelled with the "h" and the "e" - Michael - on the paper) on the daggone receipt, but he couldn't handle the awesomeness of my name! :D

Anyway .... fun story, huh? Hope ya'll are having a great week! :D

Peace in Surrender

I'm giving You my heart and all that is within.
I lay it all down for the sake of You, my King.
I'm giving You my dreams.
I'm laying down my rights.
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life.
And I surrender, all to You ... all to You.
And I surrender, all to You ... all to You.

The Lord's been really layin' this verse and chorus of the song, "Surrender," on my heart over the past couple of days. ..... I've never quite understood why surrender is such a tough concept for me. I mean, sure ... I'm stubborn, selfish, fallen ... but come on! God has been, is, and continues to be MORE than faithful, MORE than enough, MORE than all I need and want ... and He provides so much MORE than I can imagine ... every single day. Sheesh, Mical. So why is surrendering my desires so hard? It's killin' me! Not so much the surrender part but the fact that I AM SO DAGGONE RIDICULOUS! God has proven Himself over and over and over and over (and .....) again. He has NEVER ever ever ever ever (ever .....) failed me. He is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING .... every single day .... every single MOMENT of my life. ..... But surrender. It is so daggone tiring ... so daggone on difficult ... so daggone opposite of the flesh. Which is why it's so hard. I am flesh. God is holy. Those two things are too opposite to go together .... thankfully, Jesus came along and broke that wall of opposites so that we (the flesh - me .... and God) could live in harmony with one another. And Jesus came along .... surrendering His life .... to enable us to surrender our lives to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and God (one in the same).

Whew! So what does that mean? .....

I

MUST

SURRENDER.

The end.




And in this process of surrender, there is peace. Sweet Jesus peace.

Isaiah 26:3 - The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace because he trusts in You.

.... But that peace only comes when we keep our mind .... our heart .... every nook and cranny of our being stayed upon Him, the Lord, Jesus Christ.

Trust.

Peace comes from trusting in Jesus. Period.

Verse 4 - Trust in the Lord forever, for in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock.

Verse 8 - Indeed, while following the way of Your judgements, O Lord, we have waited for You eagerly ......
Ah ha! There's that word again .... "wait." Mmm .... isn't that just becoming your favorite word? Bah! No way! But isn't it funny how God is bringing it up over and over again? .... Think He's trying to get your attention, Mical? Hmm .... ;) ....
The rest of verse 8 - Your name, even Your memory, is the desire of our souls.
The desire of our souls.
The desire of MY soul.
Is He? ..... Are You, Lord?
Precious Jesus, BE the desire of my soul.

Verse 9 - At night my soul longs for You; Indeed, my spirit within me seeks You diligently.
Help me to long for you, O Lord. Help me to seek you with every ounce of my strength .... not just until these areas of my life are surrendered but beyond .... until we meet face to face.
... Peace comes from seeking Christ ... diligently.


Surrender. It must be done. Peace. It's a gift along the way. Embrace it, Mical. Embrace it, everyone! ... How? By seeking God. By trusting Him.
And ya know .... trust is surrender.
When we trust Jesus with our lives, we are surrendering our lives to Him.

Let's give our hearts to Jesus ... and all that is within.
Let's lay it all down because Jesus laid down His very life for us.
Let's give Jesus our every dream.
Let's lay down all of our so called "rights." (Ha! Like we really have any of those!)
Let's give up our pride and live in the NEW LIFE we have in Christ Jesus our Lord!

Oh, everyone!!!!! My heart is crying out! (If you didn't notice). ;) .... I want to surrender ... every nook and cranny of my life to Jesus. I want that NEW LIFE that ONLY comes in an intimate, holy, completely surrendered relationship with Jesus. I'm not there yet. I've got a loooooonnnnnggg way to go. But I can't ever stop striving for that goal. Let's strive together, shall we?

"Little Deaths" ... More Thoughts from Passion and Purity

Warning! Warning!
This is gonna be a long post! So get ready! .... Don't be intimidated by its length ... if you don't have time to read a long post right now, then come back when you do! ... Go grab some hot tea or a bag of popcorn, and then come back and get ready for some powerful stuff! It hit me hard, and I wanna share it with you all. :)

A few posts ago I mentioned that I'm reading Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. Amazing book. Everyone needs to read it, but especially if you're longing for your guy to come along ... or for the guy you want to come around. ;) It's a book all about giving your love life to Christ. Again ... amazing stuff. ... Well, I was reading this morning, and chapter 15 is crazy good! VERY convicting! And VERY good! .... So! In the following paragraphs, I will share "snipets" from chapter 15 of Passion and Purity, and then chat about them a bit. .... It should be fun! Read on! :)

The University of Oklahoma, where I studied linguistics, has an enormous stadium. Nothing was happening there during the summer, so I often climbed to the top row of bleachers, following supper, to enjoy whatever breeze there might be after the day’s scorching heat, and to watch those sensational Oklahoma sunsets. It was a lovely place to be alone to think, read, and pray.

I was disturbed to find that I could not think, read, or pray except about Jim Elliot. He loomed in every thought, every line I read in the Bible or anywhere else. He got mixed up in the morphology, syntax, and phonetics I was stuffing into my head. He distracted my prayers. It is a good thing the Lord has compassion on all those fear Him, knows how we are made, and remembers we are only dust. He loved us both, knew exactly how we loved each other, and used even the detours to bring us home again. Someone once observed that the toothache you have this very minute is the worst pain in the world. Love sickness may seem a trifle compared with other maladies, but the one who is sick with love is sick indeed, and the Heavenly Father understands that. He steadily draws us along the pathway to glory, if our deepest heart is set on His kingdom, if we are not of those whom Psalm 78:8 describes as “a generation with no firm purpose, with hearts not fixed steadfastly on God.”

Has anyone ever felt this way? When it doesn't matter what you do and EVERYTHING reminds you of that guy? When thoughts of him are lingering in everything? Yep ... I can relate to ya, Elisabeth. Daggonit! Why is my love for this guy so daggone strong? Powerful. I agree with Elisabeth ... Goooolllly! "It is a good thing the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him, knows how we are made, and remembers that we are only dust." Yep. 'Cause if not ... He would've given up on me oh, so long ago!

I wait. Dear Lord, Thy ways are past finding out, Thy love too high. O hold me still beneath Thy shadow. It is enough that Thou lift up the light of Thy countenance. I wait because I am commanded so to do. My mind is filled with wonderings. My soul asks “Why?” But then the quiet word, “Wait thou only upon God.” And so, not even for the light to show a step ahead, but for Thee, dear Lord, I wait.

This is such a great prayer about waiting!!!!

“When the will of God crosses the will of man,” Addison Leitch said, “somebody has to die.” Life requires countless “little” deaths – occasions when we are given the chance to say no to self and yes to God. The Apostle Paul said, “For continually, while still alive, we are being surrendered into the hands of death, for Jesus’ sake …” It is not that everything that has anything to do with ourselves is in itself wicked and deserving of death. It did not mean that when Jesus said, “Now my will ….” There could not have been even the smallest part of His will that was wicked. It was a choice to lay down everything – the good He had done and the good He might do if He was permitted to live – for the love of God. The same choice is offered to us. To see Bert’s profile, hear him sing; to contemplate the blessedness of marriage as I watched couples who were taking the same course at the university; to call up in memory the sweet anguish of those hours by the Lagoon; to picture Jim’s face as we said good-bye at Union Station – only “little deaths,” but little deaths have to be died just as great ones do. Every reminder that aroused a longing had to be offered up.

Man! This is the toughest lesson ever! It's the biggest lesson I'm learning right now. ..... I don't think my desires are ungodly or selfish .... but I'm confident that my desires are out of God's timing. So ... I MUST offer 'em up to God ... Every. Single. Day. ..... Boy, it's a challenge. It seems like every prayer these days is about ___________. _________ "looms" in nearly every thought. ..... Little deaths. They must happen every day. Every moment of everyday. .... "Every reminder that arouse[s] a longing [must] be offered up [to Jesus]."

I was e-mailing my friend, Alex, about this concept just yesterday, and as I was typing, a thought occurred to me. It relates back to an earlier chapter in Passion and Purity where Elisabeth Elliot states that "Passion is a battleground." Alex and I love word pictures, so I threw out the idea of God being our Commanding Officer ... telling her how thankful I was that HE is our CO. I went on to throw out more ideas concerning this idea. .... God is our Commanding Officer in the battle (the WAR!) of passion. And in this crazy fight, He is the Commanding Officer who not only LEADS us into battle (and out of it) and helps us OVERCOME (or win!) .... He also, and most importantly, LAYS HIS LIFE DOWN FOR EACH OF US. ..... That is powerful! ....... So in return, I should be MORE than willing to lay down my life for my Commanding Officer. I should lay down my life concerning my love life ... I should be jumping on opportunities to die these "little deaths." .... It's crazy-hard work, but passion is a battleground .... and I can't let my guard down even for a second!

The last part of the chapter that I want to share with you is this ....

There is a big however. It is this: We are not meant to die merely in order to be dead. God could not want that for the creatures to whom He has given the breath of life. We die in order to live.

Wow! That is powerful stuff. Listen to that line again .... We die in order to live. ..... It's true! REAL life only comes from knowing Christ, serving Him, and putting Him first in our lives. When we die to ourselves (give up our desires for Christ's), we live! In dying, we live! A crazy concept. Demanding. It requires E V E R Y T H I N G we've got. Period. God's call on our lives is a mighty one. It is NOT for the faint of heart. It is NOT for "Sunday Christians." It is NOT comfortable or easy .... and sometimes it is downright no fun at all ... at times it is the most difficult thing we will ever face. But it is our calling. It is our purpose. It is our life's mission. "Take up your Cross daily, and follow Me." .... Jesus never said it was gonna be easy. What, in that sentence, sounds easy? "Take." That's a command. Commands are not usually easy. "Your Cross." Our Crosses, in this case, are our very lives. Yep ... that's right! Jesus wants it all! Ha! He's not asking for much, is He? ;) .... "Daily." We are to offer up our lives every single day .... not just on Sundays, not just when we feel like it, not just when we're not very busy. And "follow Me." ... Lastly, Jesus calls us to follow Him - trust Him, serve Him, seek Him in all things. ....... Whew!!!! Crazy! Difficult (to say the least)! Purpose. .... OUR purpose. .......... It's not easy (not by any stretch!) ... but let's learn this lesson of DEATH TO SELF so that we can truly LIVE FOR JESUS. :)

Well, as you can see ... Passion and Purity is not a book for the weak-willed or lazy Christian. It is a book with a high standard ... the highest standard there is - God's standard. Please read this book! God is sifting through the silt and rocks (uglies) and the deepest longings (God-honoring parts) of my heart with each page of this book. Convicting me and challenging me in incredible ways! It has NOT been easy, but it's been so good for me! Take the challenge! If you are struggling to bring your love life under Christ's control ... or really ... if you're struggling to bring ANY part of your life under Christ's control ... read this book.

Okay .... I've repeated myself a thousand different ways .... hopefully you get my drift by now. ;) .... Good stuff, huh? ;) .... Let's keep surrendering our lives to Christ ..... everyday. :)

This, That, Either, or Neither (AKA Another Stolen Post From Judy!) :)

Well .... since my life is so crazy, I don't have time to blog anymore. Sadness. Mostly because I (most of the time) put a lot of thought into my posts. And who has time to think when they're going to school and working in the writing center 10 hours a week and helping out with after school twice a week and going to small group and Higher Ground and youth group .... and what about Jesus time and friends time and sane time? (Oh wait! I don't have any of that last one.) ;) ..... Anyway! (Alex, please don't hate me for getting to this blog post before I've written you back. I AM in the process of a long, thought out, reply to your marvelous e-mail!) .... Again ... anyway! I saw this post on Judy's blog, and since I'm not busy here in the writing center at the moment, I'm gonna post a fun and mindless post. :)

Judy calls this post This, That, Either, or Neither.

Jog or Walk?

For exercise .... jog. Although I've been a bum about it this week. I've gotta get my 3 times in before the end of the week or Mags and Em are gonna kill me (we've set a goal and a reward that will be lost if I don't get my 3 days of exercise in!)

For chats with friends .... walk. It's awful tough to run and talk at the same time.

For everyday purposes .... walk. Although ... I kind of like to run from time to time. :)

Coffee or Tea?

Coffee is N A S T Y !!!

SWEET tea is my F A V O R I T E drink in the whole wide world!

Pepsi or Coke?

VANILLA coke is my all-time favorite carbonated beverage ... and really the only one I drink.

Flats or Heels?

F L A T S!!!! Oh my goodness! I am so NOT a girl! I almost despise heels!

Fries or Onion Rings?

Not a big fan of onions. And potatoes are my favorite food ever!!! Therefore - fries!

Cats or Dogs?
NEITHER. I don't like animals - any kind. My motto is "When pets attack!"

Skim or Whole Milk?

2% is my favorite. Yes, I know .... the more fat and the few vitamins, the better! ;)

Small or Big Purses?

I've always carried a big one .... so I guess I like big purses best.

Van or SUV?

Van, baby! I'm gonna need one if I ever have those gobs and gobs of kids that I want! (If you didn't know, I wanna have at least 6 or 7 kids someday!)

Winter or Summer?

Ugh! How about fall! That's the best season there is! Period.

1 Piece Bathing Suit or 2?

Ugh. If I MUST pick ... a one piece. But they are both pretty awful.

Sit Down Restaurant or Fast Food?

Sit down! Hello! More time and comfort for conversation!

McDonald's or Burger King?
McDonald's. Best french fries. Sweet tea! Yeah ...

White Gold or Yellow Gold?

What the heck? What about just gold?

Fish or Chicken?

Fish ... and pretty much any kind of seafood is gross. ..... Therefore - Chicken!

Edward or Jacob?

My initial reaction was .... "What?! Who are they?" .... Then someone in the writing center said ... "Twilight." ...... I guess I'd pick Edward .... but I actually kind of like the blond guy who asks Bella to the prom. I think his name is Mike. He's a nice guy.

Pizza or Burger?

Hamburger!!!!

Apple or Orange?

Oranges :)

Spend Money or Save Money?

Sadly, I spend more than I save. :/

1 Story or 2 Story House?

Ummm .... I love my house, which is a two-story. But ... it's my HOME ... so I'd love it no matter what. In reality ... I don't care much about the house .... I care about the family in it.

Alrighty! Well, that was fun! Have a great day, everybody!

Clogged with Wishes!

Wow! ... So I'm reading a really amazing book right now.  Yes, Mical Masterson is reading!  This is huge, I know! ;) ....... It's called Passion and Purity.  It might be my new favorite book! .... I'm sure I'll be sharing all of the points I took away from it when I'm finished reading it, but for now, I need to share a quick thought about chapter 7.  It is hitting me so hard right now because the author, Elisabeth Elliot, went through the exact same thing that I am going through now.  At least her thought process is the same.  I won't try to compare my puny life to her grand and crazy trials.  But anyway ....

Toward the end of chapter 7, Elisabeth asks a question and then makes a statement that I couldn't have said better myself.  It explains my position right now.

"How can God work His will in me if I am clogged with wishes of my own?"

"I was wishing that my wishes were what God wished; I wished that I could wish that my wishes would go away, but the wishes were still there."

Oh, how true!  I have two desires in my heart right now - my two greatest passions in life.  And at the moment, God is putting them on hold.  Maybe forever.  You never know.  But I ache.  I desire them so much that I don't know what to do with myself!!!

But!  In saying that, I am reminded of another important lesson from chapter 6.  Ugh.  Important but difficult!!! .... Elisabeth described a conversation with a girl who used to live with her, and this girl wanted to marry a rich and handsome man.  When she came home from a date one evening, she started telling Elisabeth how the guy she went out with was nice, a Christian, interesting ... but then she mentioned that he wasn't wealthy.  Elisabeth then asked her questions like "What if God were to choose for you to marry a poor and homely man?"

The questions and responses continued for awhile until the girl finally asked, "Doesn't God want me to be happy?" ... Wow.  Isn't that just like us?  It all comes back to our own happiness.  If we aren't happy, then life just isn't worth living.  When, in reality, we should be finding joy in our trials, in our heartaches, in our unmet desires .... because these "unhappies" force us to depend on Christ and find complete fulfillment and happiness (or rather JOY - which is NOT temporal but lasting!) in HIM ALONE. .... This girl was focusing on her own happiness, which is what we all tend to do.

But I love Elisabeth's response! ..... She said, "God wants you most to be holy." ..... Wow!  I remember being taken aback when I read this line.  It was one of those moments when the words jump off the page and smack you in the head! .... I started reading Passion and Purity because I was down about my desires concerning my love life.  I was reading it to pursue Christ's perspective in the situation, yes .... but also because I was bummed out.  Isn't it great how God will reveal His perspective when we really seek it out?  It's great alright ... but also convicting!!!! ..... I think He wants us to be happy ... BUT! .... He isn't ultimately worried about our happiness.  He's worried about our holiness!!!  A similar way to put it .... My pastor often says, "God's not concerned with our comfort; He's concerned with our character." .... Holiness is being "set apart."  Jesus is the ultimate picture of holiness - completely set apart from any ideology, any response to any situation, any person on this earth.  And He calls us to be set apart as well. .... Elisabeth threw out the definition of holiness to mean "wholeness."  Another great way of putting it! ..... When we are holy ... set apart ... we are W H O L E.  I want to be whole! ..... It reminds me of James 1:4 when it says .... "And perseverance must finish its work so that you will be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  That is EXACTLY God's desire for us!  He wants us to be whole!  Complete.  Not lacking anything.  Holiness is the path to wholeness.

So in all of my "unmet" desires ... I need to be seeking out holiness.  Then ... I will eventually be whole.  Whew! ... What a rough concept.  I hate that it is taking me so long to learn this lesson in surrender.  You'd think I would've learn it by now.  But no. ..... Thankfully our God is entirely faithful and full of grace to extend to us each and every day.

Alrighty .... So I really wrote this only for myself.  I needed to get some thoughts. .... I pray you all have this surrendering desires thing down pat.  But ... knowing you (the fact that you're human), you don't.  So I thought I'd share my struggles and thoughts. .... Like I've said so many times before ... it is soooo much easier said than done.  But we can't stop striving toward the goal.  The goal being - WHOLENESS IN CHRIST ALONE.