The Selfless Mom

What does it truly look like to be a selfless mom?

I want to be unselfish, self-sacrificing, and a servant to my children. Really, I want to be a bondservant ... someone who CHOOSES to serve and serves JOYFULLY. I love my children, and I am seriously so thankful that I get to stay home with them everyday and homeschool them. But daggonit, it is THE HARDEST job ever! I am constantly exhausted, constantly being asked to do something for someone else, and there is very little rest. I do find joy in it all. It ALL is worth it. But I struggle on a daily basis with guilt and frustration because I fall short so many times in a day. I pray and ask the Holy Spirit to fill me with perspective and godly responses. I make regular time for prayer and Bible reading. I pray for my children several times a week. I try not to do it all in my own strength, but I know I still do. I just get so mad at myself for how often I am selfish instead of selfless. I just want to be ready with a good attitude to clean up that spill again and again and take my kids outside to play every time they ask and put my breakfast down for the third time to clean up another child and let her down from her seat before she throws her yogurt all over the room. I want to be happy, not annoyed, when my children walk into my room during the quiet time I so desperately need and be excited, not dredding, to play pretend or work on a project they've come up with. I want to cherish every single moment. But the demands and overwhelm and ... selfishness ... get in the way of that desire. I will never understand how I can love my children so very much and want nothing more than being with them everyday and getting to raise them myself but also struggling with so much frustration and feelings of failure at my shortcomings.

I don't have any answers. I am just writing this out to say I wanna be a truly selfless mama, but I'm not. Thank God for His grace and mercy. I will keep trying my best every single day and trusting God for the rest because even though I am not selfless, I serve a perfectly selfless God who can see me through this glorious and beautiful and sanctifying gift called being a mom.