I totally understand the struggle in figuring out God's will. I've been trying to figure it out since I graduated from high school. Honestly, it's been incredibly discouraging at times ... but ya know, I'm learning that ultimately, God just wants our faithfulness. He wants us to be faithful where He's got us, even when we don't understand it, even when we don't like it, even when we ache for something more or something different.
Psalm 37:3 is my life verse ... "Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and befriend faithfulness." It's the key to life! Really, it is! God has a plan for our lives, yes. But really ... He just wants us to trust Him no matter where we are or what we're doing, do good to the people around us and in this crazy world, be all in (dwell in the land) where He's got us (or at the very least, endure where we are! haha!), and be faithful to Him, to our spouses, to our friends and families, and to the people and tasks He's called us to now.
This has been such a hard lesson for me to learn ... and I'm not done learning it! ... Sheesh, I'm crying as I'm typing this because God has just been so at work in me about this lately. I am so thankful! God is just so faithful ... and He NEVER leaves me. I am just so thankful. I have been learning this lesson even more so lately because God has not allowed me to pass my Praxis exam to become a teacher for several years now. I've nearly given up more than once. But I recently tried again ... and I passed (one of the two tests at least)!!! And I am taking steps toward becoming a teacher once again. But for a long time, I struggled with some bitterness, some frustration, and just some flat out discouragement because I couldn't have my dream job. I could never have what I believe God had promised me. But what I've found is that, over the past several years, God has been growing me! He has been growing me in HIS dream job for me (simply to be faithful no matter where I'm at or what I'm doing), and He has been growing me in trusting Him more.
I have my moments, but I can honestly and wholeheartedly say that no matter what happens with this Praxis exam, I'm cool. I'm not worried. Even if I don't get hired as a teacher right away ... or ever. Even if we can't afford the Transition to Teaching program that I have to finish before I can truly solidify a job. Even if I get pregnant and don't teach because I'm staying home with our baby (haha! Don't think about that one too hard ... I'm just saying ... it could happen. ;)). Even if I have to work in a job I'm not very excited about (I'm learning another lesson concerning this too - thankfulness!) No matter what. I'm good with whatever God wants to do. And I feel such peace. That is HUGE for me. Peace comes from trusting God. I have grown in my trust of God. And I think, in the end, that's the greatest lesson you can learn on this planet ... to trust God with all your heart. ... Things are gonna change. Finances are gonna be tight. You're gonna get pregnant when you least expect it (or at the very least, you aren't gonna have a clue how to raise the kid even if you knew he was coming!). You're gonna say something stupid to make your husband feel bad. He's gonna say something stupid to you too. You're gonna be selfish. You're gonna be dissatisfied with your job or your flabby belly or your attitude or your season of life. Your loved one is going to die. Things are gonna change. You're gonna like some of it, hate some of it, be unsure of some of it, love some of it .... But in the end, this life is crazy! And the greatest thing we can do is TRUST IN JESUS!
Every time I hear that phrase "Trust in Jesus," I think of the Third Day song ... here are the lyrics to the chorus ...
What I've done is ...
Trust in Jesus.
My great Deliverer,
My strong Defender,
The Son of God.
I trust in Jesus,
My Lord forever.
The Holy One, the Holy One.
My advice? Pursue your dreams, and be faithful. I am learning that God's purpose and provision are perfect, and I just need to trust Him in it all. And believe me! It is a constant lesson! But God is so patient with me.
Psalm 37:3 ... I know you wanna read this precious verse again! So here it is ...
TRUST IN THE LORD, AND DO GOOD; DWELL IN THE LAND, AND BEFRIEND FAITHFULNESS.