So I've been up and down the past few days.
Just been thinkin' about all the change that's happening around me and that's coming into my life.
Friends are getting engaged, getting married, having babies ...
Friends have lots going on in their lives, changes coming for them too ...
I'm graduating in 7 months and don't know what the heck I'm gonna do with my life ...
I've got these crazy desires, cool dreams, deep aches ...
Just a lot going on, ya know?
I've been kind of down about it, which is oober frustrating. (But that frustration is another blog post, perhaps.)
But I was reading my Bible today, grabbed Passion and Purity ... and then looked over at my "future husband journal." Yeah, I don't have a better name for it at the moment.
Sorry for you if you think writing to your future husband is cheesy. I think it's pretty much amazing. :)
I've had this journal since I was 14 years old. Shelley gave it to me and encouraged me to write letters to my future husband before I know who he is. :)
Over the years, I've written some pretty funny stuff. If I really do have a future husband out there somewhere, and if I really give him this journal, he'll get a kick out of me, for sure.
But anyways ... the Tangent Queen hasn't lost her touch! :D
I opened it and read the three most recent letters.
The first two were about some regrets I've had over the past couple of years.
But the last one (the most recent) was full of lessons learned ... and hope.
I was really down earlier today. My heart has been aching for quite some time.
But this letter! This letter that I wrote to my future husband!
It helped me see things through God's eyes again.
(I hate how easily I get my eyes off of Jesus ... and how easily my God glasses get fogged up!)
God's perspective is so much better. :)
And I want to share with you all a "snipet" from this letter ... 'cause it's amazing!
I was so blessed today to be reminded of the amazing lessons God has taught me over the past 6 months.
Why do I forget them so easily, daggonit?
Written on February 19, 2009
Wow! I just finished reading the last two letters to you. And holy cow! I'm really messing things up, huh? Ha ha! ;) I hate that I haven't been more careful with my heart over th past two years, but at the same time, I've learned amazing lessons. All the brokenness, all of the mistakes, all of the failed hopes and dreams have brought me back to contentment in Christ alone. It took me a long time! But God was, and still is, patient and faithful. Amazingly so! :) He stuck by me every moment. He taught me so much about surrender, about being content, about waiting. Surrender - I can never be completely whole or completely satisfied until I let go of my own desires and let God fill me with His, until I grab hold of God's purpose (even if I don't know it completely) and allow Him to conform my desires to His. Contentment - I cannot be completely content in anything or anyone but Christ. He is my life, and if I do not desire Him above all else, nothing will mean anything. True and complete fulfillment can only be found in knowing, loving, serving, and glorifying God, and enjoying Him forever. I've never experienced something more true. Waiting - God doesn't always tell us what's going on from the get-go. In fact, He rarely does. Life wouldn't be life. God doesn't always give us the answers that we want. In fact, He always gives us something way better, whether we know it or not. But in waiting, He expects us to trust Him and love Him and serve Him and seek Him and glorify Him with all that we are. We can't throw our hands up and quit just because things didn't go our way. God's way is amazingly better, and He will reveal it in His time, which is hardly ever our time (for good reasons!). Gotta keep trusting! So ... this letter is a lot better than the last two, huh? :) God never fails to take our sin (our selfishness, our impatience, our failures, ect.) and work it out for our good. Wow! I am so thankful for His grace and faithfulness.
Man, oh man. Good stuff! God was really working in my heart when I wrote that! I feel absolutely ridiculous that it's only been 3 months, and I'm already forgetting these lessons in surrender and contentment and waiting. God is so faithful!
And I noticed that I used the word "complete" lots of times throughout this letter. Makes me think of James 1:4 ... "so that you will be mature and COMPLETE, not lacking anything." Yeah! That's what trials ... and the lessons we learn through those trials do for us. They make us complete. God sees it. Why can't I? ...... I think I'll put my God glasses back on now. :)
Lord, make these lessons real to me once again. Help me walk day after day with Your eyes.
Be my all, Lord Jesus.