Friday, January 21, 2011

Not Shaken ... But Faithful ... And Persistent

God's been at work in me for some time now. And so faithfully too. I've been really slacking off in my prayer and devotions life. Ugh! I hate spiritual ruts! But God, in all His mighty grace, is still speaking and still working. Thank you, Jesus!

In the reading of the Word that I HAVE been doing, God is pulling a few different verses together - a few different thoughts that can all be pointed back to ... yep, you guessed it ... an ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE. :)

Psalm 16:8 - "I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

Luke 16:10 - "One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much ..."

The Parable of the Persistent Widow - Luke 18:1-8 ... specifically, verses 7 and 8 - "And will not God give justice to His elect, who cry to Him day and night? Will He delay long over them? I tell you, He will give justice to them speedily ..."

Good stuff, huh? :)
It IS good stuff! And each verse targets a different struggle/situation in my life.
~ For a while now, I've struggled with accepting who I am. I have a hard time focusing on my good qualities most of the time, and it's pretty easy for me to think on my flaws. I'm also a worrier. I struggle to trust God a lot of the time. I worry that I'll make mistakes, not be accepted by others, not live up to my too-high standards. So being reminded that I will not be shaken - I will not fall; I can not be condemned; I am valuable to God - helps me keep my fears and worries and insecurities in the right perspective - the ETERNAL one. :)
~ I've never been a person with lots of self-control. I love to eat - and eat whatever I want ... and drink as much sweet tea as I want. I'm a procrastinator - especially when it comes to school work, preparing lessons/games for my jobs, and getting to my prayer and devotions each day (if I get to them at all, these days ... gosh!). I don't budget my time or my money very well at all. If it were up to me, I'd sleep in till 11am everyday, watch movies for the rest of the day, and spend all my money on going to movies, buying music, eating out .... wow. This is brutal ... getting really honest with myself. Ewww.
So being reminded that I must be faithful in the small things pushes me to remember that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit and therefore, eternal, and I must work to improve the fruit I bear.
~ I've been feeling God move in my heart concerning His calling for me over the past year. The Praxis was a bust ... and although, I'm not giving up forever, I'd like to take a break from even thinking about the silly thing, much less take it again. And in the midst of my break from the Praxis, God's been stirring youth ministry in my heart. I'd like to go back to school for a Bible/theology degree, but so many things go into that ... money (and lots of it!); questions like, "do I REALLY wanna give up on the Praxis right now, or should I try again?"; "what about the fact that I'm ALREADY working in youth ministry?"; "what if I make a mistake - read God's call the wrong way and mess everything up?"; leaving home; SoZo; going back to school - bluck, I don't want to; etc. ... And so, I have been, am, and must continue to seek God through it all.
So the persistent widow reminds me not to give up praying about God's call for my life. Whether I hear the answer I want to hear or the one I don't want to hear ... whether the answer comes clearly or fuzzy ... whether the answer comes soon or I must continue to wait ... I must CONTINUE praying. I must continue seeking God and TRUSTING that HE is sovereign.

Oh, how great it is to hold on to the promises, lessons, and convictions of the Word of God. Lord, don't let me falter in seeking Your face.

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