Wednesday, March 3, 2010

GoG 56: The Overflow of the Heart

Ha! So on Friday morning, I was driving the last 45 minutes to an hour to get to my hotel in Chicago where the conference was being held. There was lots of traffic, several toll road stops, and mapquest directions that I had to pay attention to ... all of these things stress me out, so I was thankful I left my hotel early. .... All was going well .... when I pulled out of my toll road stop, which was right before an exit (the one I was supposed to take), and I was disoriented because of the daggone toll road stop .... so I missed the exit. ...... Now, I am awful with directions ... I couldn't tell you which way was north, south, east, or west if my life depended on it .... and I'm actually a bit of an airhead when it comes to following directions. Sometimes, I think "there could be another exit that is called 'River Rd.'" So I'll wait until I pass it only to realize there is no other exit called "River Rd." Duh. .... Yeah ... airhead, I know.

So I miss the exit ... and I'm not familiar with this area at all. It's Chicago for crying out loud! Stressful, busy, crowded city. So after passing the exit I should have taken, I start freaking out. I may have been "alone" in the car that morning, but God definitely saw (and heard) everything. ..... I was an absolute idiot! I was so angry that I missed the exit ... I was worried I was not gonna be able to find my way back and I was gonna be late to this conference I had been looking forward to forever ... and I was mad that I didn't follow what the directions said even though they were right there in front of me!!! ..... I started yelling in my car. I started hitting the steering wheel with my hands, saying "I can't believe I didn't turn there!" "I can't believe I didn't turn there!" "What am I gonna do?!" "Aaaahhhhhh!!!!" And so on and so forth. I was really mad, like I said, and I said some things I am not proud of. ..... I ended up having to take the airport road, so it took me through the airport and really far out of my way. All the while, I was so angry, spouting off stupid things, yelling, turning red in the face ... freaking out completely. And all the while (again), I was saying, "Lord, I know you've been teaching me about being content in ALL circumstances, but I am NOT content, Lord." Again, so on and so forth. Freaking out. Acting ridiculous. Being a jerk. And an idiot. ..... And probably 10 minutes after I passed the exit I should have taken, I am back to that exit ... I pull in, and after taking another wrong turn, I make it to the Hyatt in Rosemont, Illinois - my destination. Whew!

But before I even made it to the hotel, I started repenting. I knew I was being an idiot WHILE I was being an idiot! But that didn't stop me. .... I felt stupid the rest of the morning ... and I am shamed when I think back to how ridiculous I was. .... But I took the whole experience as God's grace. Another humbling incident as God's grace? When will it end??? Ha ha! How 'bout never. ;) ...... My idiocy was God's grace because He really convicted me in the process. Some not so nice things came out when I was "alone" in that car .... some attitudes and even words that I would not want ANYONE to see or hear. And God really let me have it. He reminded me that my character was a little lacking (to say the VERY least!). Character is the stuff that comes out when no one is looking. And my "stuff" was not good stuff. Thankfully, I repented, and God forgave me. But at the same time, I am reminded that I MUST fill my spirit with good stuff, so that when the pressure's on, good stuff will come out. Good stuff is the the stuff that honors God. :) Think about Philippians 4:8 if you're not getting my drift. ;)

"For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart." Matthew 12:34b (NASB)

And what was coming out of my mouth that day was not pretty ... what does that say about my heart? .... Whew!!! Now, that's a doozy!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Indeed, the overflow of the heart.
I know how that goes!
What's inside must come out at some point or other....I'm glad, in God's grace, He decided to show you the gunk living in your heart.

Glimpses of His grace:
1.) His forgiveness of your spewing.
2.) His mercy in wanting to show you those things--He wants them out of your heart and life even more than you do!
3.)that He chose to do it when you were alone, so that He could really get at you without distraction, and His mercy in keeping you from behaving that way in front of other people. That's always a relief. ;)

I'm still proud that you and I made it all the way to Michigan and back without getting lost. :)
My directional savvy is not really any better than yours.