So I miss the exit ... and I'm not familiar with this area at all. It's Chicago for crying out loud! Stressful, busy, crowded city. So after passing the exit I should have taken, I start freaking out. I may have been "alone" in the car that morning, but God definitely saw (and heard) everything. ..... I was an absolute idiot! I was so angry that I missed the exit ... I was worried I was not gonna be able to find my way back and I was gonna be late to this conference I had been looking forward to forever ... and I was mad that I didn't follow what the directions said even though they were right there in front of me!!! ..... I started yelling in my car. I started hitting the steering wheel with my hands, saying "I can't believe I didn't turn there!" "I can't believe I didn't turn there!" "What am I gonna do?!" "Aaaahhhhhh!!!!" And so on and so forth. I was really mad, like I said, and I said some things I am not proud of. ..... I ended up having to take the airport road, so it took me through the airport and really far out of my way. All the while, I was so angry, spouting off stupid things, yelling, turning red in the face ... freaking out completely. And all the while (again), I was saying, "Lord, I know you've been teaching me about being content in ALL circumstances, but I am NOT content, Lord." Again, so on and so forth. Freaking out. Acting ridiculous. Being a jerk. And an idiot. ..... And probably 10 minutes after I passed the exit I should have taken, I am back to that exit ... I pull in, and after taking another wrong turn, I make it to the Hyatt in Rosemont, Illinois - my destination. Whew!
But before I even made it to the hotel, I started repenting. I knew I was being an idiot WHILE I was being an idiot! But that didn't stop me. .... I felt stupid the rest of the morning ... and I am shamed when I think back to how ridiculous I was. .... But I took the whole experience as God's grace. Another humbling incident as God's grace? When will it end??? Ha ha! How 'bout never. ;) ...... My idiocy was God's grace because He really convicted me in the process. Some not so nice things came out when I was "alone" in that car .... some attitudes and even words that I would not want ANYONE to see or hear. And God really let me have it. He reminded me that my character was a little lacking (to say the VERY least!). Character is the stuff that comes out when no one is looking. And my "stuff" was not good stuff. Thankfully, I repented, and God forgave me. But at the same time, I am reminded that I MUST fill my spirit with good stuff, so that when the pressure's on, good stuff will come out. Good stuff is the the stuff that honors God. :) Think about Philippians 4:8 if you're not getting my drift. ;)
"For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart." Matthew 12:34b (NASB)
And what was coming out of my mouth that day was not pretty ... what does that say about my heart? .... Whew!!! Now, that's a doozy!!!