Wednesday, September 24, 2008

CHAOTICNESS!

Wow. I've been thinking a lot. My mind has been going crazy! ('Cause God is at work!!!) .....I've been thinking .... Some of the GREATEST lessons I've ever learned ... lessons that have not only STUCK with me but that have CHANGED me ... have all come from PAIN.

My spirit has been a huge ball of CHAOS for the past 6 weeks ... August 9th. Yep, I remember the day the chaotic spirit took over. I'm pretty much a spaz anyway ... so when crazy stuff hits, I become a spaz with a spirit that won't stop doing backflips and summersalts .... a spirit that won't stop going up and down and back and forth and - ahh! ... Okay, so in mentioning my chaoticness (yep, I just made up a new word!), I have been listening to an amazing song over and over and over again. The lyrics don't beat around the bush. And they are the story of my life right now. Good stuff ....

WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING (by Sanctus Real)

"It's time for healing, time to move on. It's time to fix what's been broken too long. Time to make right what has been wrong. It's time to find my way to where I belong. There's a wave that's crashing over me, and all I can do is surrender

Chorus: Whatever You're doing inside of me ... It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace. It's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something Heavenly.

Time for a milestone. Time to begin again. Reevaluate who I really am. Am I doing everything to follow Your will, or just climbing aimlessly over these hills. So show me what it is You want from me. I give everything; I surrender ...To...

Whatever You're doing inside of me ... It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace. It's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something Heavenly.

Time to face up, clean this old house. Time to breathe in and let everything out. That I've wanted to say for so many years. Time to release all my held back tears.

Whatever You're doing inside of me. It feels like chaos but I believe ... You're up to something bigger than me ... Larger than life, something Heavenly. Whatever You're doing inside of me. It feels like chaos but now I can see. This is something bigger than me ... Larger than life, something Heavenly. Something Heavenly.

It's time to face up ... Clean this old house. Time to breathe in and let everything out."

This song is EXACTLY my life right now!!!!! Chaoticness! And yet God brings peace. Chaos. Chaos. Peace.

Psalm 62:8 --- "Trust in HIM at ALL times, O people; POUR OUT your hearts to HIM, for GOD is our REFUGE."

Isaiah 26:3 --- "You (God!) will keep in PERFECT PEACE him whose mind is STEADFAST, because he TRUSTS IN YOU."

1 comment:

bnilsen said...

Hello Mical -

I'm praying for you through your "chaotic spirit" time.

Here are several quotes from Henri Nouwen and a verse from the Bible that I thought of while praying for you and driving today. I'm sorry they're long:

Without solitude it is virtually impossible to live a spiritual life. Solitude begins with a time and place for God, and God alone. If we really believe that God not only exists but also is actively present in our lives - healing, teaching, and guiding - we need to set aside a time and space to give God our undivided attention. Jesus says, "Go to your private room and, when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in that secret place" (Matt. 6:6).

To live a Christian life means to live in the world without being of it. It is in solitude that this inner freedom can grow. Jesus went to a lonely place to pray, that is, to grow in the awareness that all the power he had was given to him; that all the words he spoke came from his Father; and that all the works he did were not really his but the works of the One who had sent him. In the lonely place Jesus was made free to fail.
A life without a lonely place, that is, a life without a quiet center, easily becomes destructive. When we cling to the results of our actions as our only way of self-identification, then we become possessive and defensive and tend to look at our fellow human beings more as enemies to be kept at a distance than as friends with whom we share the gifts of life.
In solitude we can slowly unmask the illusion of our possessiveness and discover in the center of our own self that we are not what we can conquer, but what is given to us. In solitude we can listen to the voice of the One who spoke to us before we could speak a word, who healed us before we could make any gesture to help, who set us free long before we could free others, and who loved us long before we could give love to anyone. It is in this solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the result of our efforts. In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared. It's there to recognize that the healing words we speak are not just our own, but are given to us; that the love we can express is part of a greater love; and that the new life we bring forth is not a property to cling to, but a gift to be received.

"Be still
and know
that I
am God" - Ps 46:10

Grace and peace Mical, grace and peace.

Ben