- Page 15 of Calm my Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow
So that's why I've been so discontent lately. ... I've been really struggling in my prayer and devotions life for several months. I've wanted to grow. I've wanted to draw close to the Lord. But I haven't wanted to do the work. Like any relationship that is worthwhile, walking with the Lord is hard work. Anything good (anything GREAT!) does not come easily. ... But this is my relationship with God I'm talking about? Isn't that supposed to be the greatest desire of my heart? Why haven't I wanted to put forth this "work" so that I can simply BE with Him? ... Well, it all comes down to my own selfishness getting in the way ... but that's not really where I was headed.
The ladies from Grace Fellowship Church, my beloved second church home, are headed to their annual ladies' retreat next month. I was privileged to join them last March and had an amazing time! Sadly, I can't go with them this year. But Cindy told me about the retreat and about the book that they are basing the discussions on ... Calm My Anxious Heart. When Cindy told me the book (and the retreat) was all about contentment, I knew I had to grab hold of this book. So I picked it up at the Christian bookstore a few days ago. And my "love for reading" (yeah right) kept me from starting it until tonight. It's really good so far ... hence, pulling the quote and talking about it here. :)
There's even a 12-week devotional in the back of the book ... so I'm set for the next several weeks. :) ..... God's been dealin' with me on several issues recently. I think I'm growing in this season of waiting and change ... and God wants me to grow all the more. And I do too! More and more, I find myself wanting to be all in. And I find myself slowly coming out of my spiritual slump ... desiring more of Jesus above all else. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be? ;) .... God wants me to put away my selfish ambition. He wants me to trust Him completely with the NOW versus my future. He wants me to be content in this crazy season of friends leaving me either through marriage and babies or distance and not having a husband and not passing the Praxis ... etc. He wants me to learn to know Him better and to love Him more with each day ... with every breath.
Contentment is only one lesson. But I only have one life. So let's learn this lesson of life ... a content life ... content in Christ alone. :)