Sunday. Sunday, January 10, 2010. What was my glimpse of grace? Let's see ...
I think all of you (faithful followers) know that I am the youth "pastor" (director/leader/whatever) at Calvary. Well, because I'm a woman, I have "issues" with some of my guys from time to time. There are just some things that I can't/shouldn't/don't know how to handle with the guys in my group at times. I would run into the same thing if I were a single guy concerning my girls, so it works either way. But it is really discouraging. I've been praying for months that God would bring someone (specifically, a guy who loves youth - ours at Calvary to be even more specific) to help me with SoZo. (Side note: Everyone asks me what SoZo means/is .... so in case you don't know, SoZo is the name of our youth group at Calvary Chapel. It is a greek word that means "to save.") .... But anyway ... still, no one has come to work alongside me, and it gets disheartening from time to time. I don't want to just pick someone at random or make an announcement behind the pulpit, ect. because youth ministry is hard work. It is NOT for the faint of heart. And I would rather work alone forever than have somebody in there with me who doesn't care about my kids. ..... Now that we have that tangent out of the way (he he he) ... I say all of that to say ... to work in youth ministry, you really need a man and a woman ... or several men and several women. You have a really hard time doing it alone ... and for the male-female dynamics of it all, you really need (and can't do without for too long!) both a man and a woman leading a group of teenage guys and girls.
Sunday night, I really needed that guy I've been praying for. If you ask Emily, she can tell you that I went off on a "I just need a guy/I'll just marry him so that he can help me with SoZo/That's the only reason I want to get married at this point" speal. .... But my glimpse of God's grace was later that evening after I felt stupid for my goofy rant. I realized (once again) that I cannot do this thing called youth ministry on my own. I'm not sure I ever thought I could in the first place, but what I mean is that I realized I can't do any of it without Jesus Christ. I am totally and completely dependent on Him. Without His help, provision, direction ... and without Him being at the center of everything SoZo is and does, SoZo will not be ... at least not the way He intended it to be. Not having a guy to work alongside in ministry caused me to re-evaluate my heart in ministry. Are you really depending on God, trusting Him for all that you need in this calling of yours, Mical? Are you focusing too much on your lack of a guy to help you that you aren't looking to Christ for provision and strength and direction, Mical?
These are important questions to ask. And even though I'm not completely at ease with the situation SoZo is in with no male adult leader, I am continuing to work at the whole trust issue ... trusting God No. Matter. What. Happens. And like I talked about a couple posts ago ... finding joy in whatever happens. :) It's a process like all things ... but little glimpses of grace like this one can really help along the way.