On Thursday, January 7, 2010, I decided to make biscuits and gravy. ... I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that. I decided to demolish me some biscuits and gravy! Wow, it was a fiasco! ... I am no Julia Child when it comes to cooking. I am no Julie either. I am no anything when it comes to cooking. Okay, I take that back. I can make a pretty mean grilled cheese sandwich. I'm also pretty good at making spaghetti and cheesy scrambled eggs. French toast. Pretty good at flippin' pancakes. And my sweet tea and rice crispy treats are famous among my friends and church family. ;) But ... after hearing my story, none of these "pretty good"/"pretty mean"/"famous" Mical cooking creations will mean anything. Ha! Nothing at all.
After sleeping in pretty late yesterday, I woke up, puttered around, and then thought to myself, "Biscuits and gravy sound good." Grands biscuits are my favorite, and we've got a big bag of 'em in our freezer. I had never made gravy before but thought "how hard can it be?" So I walked into my brother's room and hopped on the internet to find a gravy recipe ... all the while asking my brother if he wanted some. And of course he said "yes" because biscuits and gravy are awesome! ... Well, they are when Mical Masterson doesn't make 'em.
The recipe was as follows ...
8 buttermilk biscuits
3/4 pound of sausage
4-6 tablespoons of flour
4 cups of milk
And that's it.
Yep ... who could mess that up, right? Well, let me tell you. The directions said to brown some sausage (the fatty kind supposedly works best). We only had sausage patties - 4 to be exact. So I put 'em in the pan, browned 'em, and cut 'em up into little pieces. Then I proceeded to follow the directions for mixing in the flour. So I started stirring in the flour one tablespoon at a time ... making sure it turned brown before I added more so that my gravy would not taste like flour ... so said the recipe. This took a while. After the flour was all mixed in, the directions said to pour in the milk and whisk it till I had the consistency I liked best. So I dumped in the milk.
Are you seeing anything wrong with these steps? I sure didn't. I was actually fairly proud that I got that far on my own.
So after I dumped in the milk ... all of it ... all 4 cups ... the sausage, flour, and milk clumped together to make the slimiest, chunkiest, wateriest gravy ever made. I stirred and stirred. And then I started to lose heart. "Why is it like this?" I said out loud. After a while, I gave up. "This is pathetic," I thought. And I started to pour it down the garbage disposal. As I heard the disposal choking down that nasty, chunky, watery goo, I started laughing out loud. I stopped, turned off the garbage disposal, walked to the bottom of the stairs, and hollered for my brother.
"Wes, I was gonna try to hide this so that my ego might stay intact, but you gotta come see this."
So my brother stumbled downstairs, and he walked into the kitchen, looked into the pan, and said something like, "What is that?" .... Wes is quite the chef ... or he's slowly becoming one, as he likes to say. And so he immediately put his hands to work, stirring and stirring, adding even more milk ... asking me what the heck I had done ... and so forth. Eventually, he gave up too.
Later that day when my mom came home, I decided to tell her about our little gravy excursion in the kitchen. As we talked about the ingredients and how I made the goop, my brother pulled the recipe out of the trash can, and the next thing I heard was ... "4-6 tablespoons." And then he started laughing. .... A "little" tid bit I failed to mentioned ... wondering if y'all would pick up on how my stirring in the flour "took awhile" ... is that I stirred in 4 CUPS of flour not 4 tablespoons! Yep. I didn't see "tbsps" at all on that silly recipe sheet until my brother pointed it out to me after the fact. So not only did I not use fatty sausage (my mom told me that fat of some kind ... whether it be from the sausage itself, butter, or another fat ... is needed to make gravy), but I also put in waaaayyyy too much flour. And the pathetic thing is that I didn't even know it!
I was put out initially ... but within seconds, I just started laughing! And then my brother and my mom joined in. 4 CUPS of flour? Are you kidding me? Oh, it was hilarious! .... Needless to say, I'm not too bright when it comes to cooking. .... I was also put out 'cause I was embarrassed .... humbled, you might say. ;) Just another glimpse of God's grace in action ... keepin' me humble day after day. :D
Again ... "God gives grace to the humble." (James 4:7)